I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
