Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
