do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
