I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
