so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
