Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
