I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
