This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize