I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
