Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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