wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
