Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
