how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
