Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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