On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
