Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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