I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
