a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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