I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
