Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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