I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
