...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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