I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
