Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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