I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
