we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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