this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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