got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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