Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
