never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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