I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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