I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
