allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
