I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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