remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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