Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
