Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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