Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
