It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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