I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
