these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
