My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
