I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
