I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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