her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Randomize