He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Terrible idea I love it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
