Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
