Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
