there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
