As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
