Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
