Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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