He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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