the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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