Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
