Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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