I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
