he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
