'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize