I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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