Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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