I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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