nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
