i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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