I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
