my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
