Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
