Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
