Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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